My life...

WIZARD STEMS

[INTRO]
[WHISPER]
I’m into rock...
I’m into rap...
(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
(boooo!)(grrrr!)(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
(boooo!)(grrrr!)(hahahahha!)(he he ho ho ha ha!)(tet tot teeth rot!!)(hahahahha!)[rock it][pop it](he he ho ho ha ha!)(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
(boooo!)(grrrr!)(hahahahha!)(he he ho ho ha ha!)(tet tot teeth rot!!)(tet tot teeth rot!!)
[SCREAM]
I MAKE BAD DECISIONS
AND THE WHOLE ROOM CLAPS!

[BOOM]
OH! OH! OH!

WELCOME TO THE STUPIDEST NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE!

[VERSE 1 — RAP]
Rock in my pocket, rap in my backpack,
Brain doing backflips—WHO PACKED THAT?!
Bass go BOOM, hi-hats SNAP,
Lyrical diarrhea—QUARANTINE THE TRACK!

Brain like a microwave stuffed with forks,
Vocabulary made of unfinished retorts,
Walk through the room, furniture shakes,
Even my shadow got unpaid debts.

“BRO, CALM DOWN!”

CALM DOWN?!

THAT WORD GOT BANNED!

[AD-LIB]
IT KNOWS!
(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
(boooo!)(grrrr!)(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
(boooo!)(grrrr!)(hahahahha!)(he he ho ho ha ha!)(tet tot teeth rot!!)(hahahahha!)[rock it][pop it](he he ho ho ha ha!)(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
[PRE-CHORUS]
LEFT SIDE!
WHAT?!

RIGHT SIDE!
WHAT?!

EVERYBODY!
LOSE THE PLOT!

[HONK!]

LOSE!
THE!
PLOT!

[HOOK]
WIZARD STEMS!
FRAGILE LIKE TREE ROT!
TURN IT UP!
GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU GOT!

FROZEN FROM ALASKA—
BUT THE BLOOD RUNS HOT!

WIZARD!
WIZARD!
WIZARD STEMS!

WE'RE LOSING THE PLOT!

HEY!
LOSING THE PLOT!
HEY!
LOSING THE PLOT!

[AD-LIB]
WHY?!

[VERSE 2 — RAP]
Alaska-born, frostbitten, brain malfunction,
Snow on the roof and a bad assumption.
Three coats deep just to brush my teeth,
Cold so rude that it argued with me.

[AD-LIB]
RUDE!

Phone goes ring—
“WHO IS THIS?”
“YOU CALLED ME.”
“I KNOW.”
“WHY?”
“I FORGOT.”

[AD-LIB]
CLASSIC.

Walking contradiction,
Human malfunction,
Philosophical concussion,
Bad decisions
WITH PERCUSSION!
(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
(boooo!)(grrrr!)(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
(boooo!)(grrrr!)(hahahahha!)(he he ho ho ha ha!)(tet tot teeth rot!!)(hahahahha!)[rock it][pop it](he he ho ho ha ha!)(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
[BOOM BAP!]

[PRE-CHORUS]
LOOK AT THE—
WIZARD STEMS!

WHAT?!

FRAGILE LIKE—
TREE ROT!

WHAT?!

GREW IN A PARKING LOT!

[AD-LIB]
WHY HERE?!

[HOOK]
WIZARD STEMS!
FRAGILE LIKE TREE ROT!
TURN IT UP!
GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU GOT!

FROZEN FROM ALASKA—
BUT THE BLOOD RUNS HOT!

WIZARD STEMS!
WE'RE LOSING THE PLOT!

NO BRAKES!
NO PLAN!
NO MAP!
NO CLUE!

[AD-LIB]
GOOD PLAN!

[BREAKDOWN]
At the lab...

[WHISPER]
(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
(boooo!)(grrrr!)(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
(boooo!)(grrrr!)(hahahahha!)(he he ho ho ha ha!)(tet tot teeth rot!!)(hahahahha!)[rock it][pop it](he he ho ho ha ha!)(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)...

Two cabs...

[BASS HIT]

Two tabs...

[PAUSE]

DID YOU SEE MY BLACK LAB?!

[DROP]

BLACK LAB!
BLACK LAB!
BLACK LAB!

[WOOF!]

HE KNOWS.

[AD-LIB]
OH NO.

[INSANE RAP]
Two cabs, two tabs,
Two shoes, one sock,
Three thoughts in my head
Fighting for the aux.

Blaf barf barf more, no more barfing please guys. sad,
Went to the lab—

FORGOT WHY I CAME.

[AD-LIB]
CLASSIC.

Doctor:
“YOU OKAY?”

DEFINE OKAY.
(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
(boooo!)(grrrr!)(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
(boooo!)(grrrr!)(hahahahha!)(he he ho ho ha ha!)(tet tot teeth rot!!)(hahahahha!)[rock it][pop it](he he ho ho ha ha!)(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
“WHERE ARE YOU?”

APPARENTLY.

“WHAT’S YOUR NAME?”

CURRENTLY.

[AD-LIB]
WRONG!

[BREAKDOWN]
COME AT MY CREW—
CHUG!

STRANGE—
CHUG!

YOU’LL FIND OUT—
CHUG!

WHY THEY CALL ME—

CHUG CHUG CHUG!

DERANGED!
(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
(boooo!)(grrrr!)(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
(boooo!)(grrrr!)(hahahahha!)(he he ho ho ha ha!)(tet tot teeth rot!!)(hahahahha!)[rock it][pop it](he he ho ho ha ha!)(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
DERANGED!
DERANGED!

I’M NOT CRAZY—

I’M COMMITTED TO THE BIT!

[AD-LIB]
HE'S LYING!

[MOSH CHANT]
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!

KICK DOWN THE DOOR!

FIVE!
SIX!
SEVEN!
EIGHT!

WHO GAVE THIS GUY THE STAGE?!

[AD-LIB]
NOBODY!

[BRIDGE]
[SOFT]
(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
(boooo!)(grrrr!)(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
(boooo!)(grrrr!)(hahahahha!)(he he ho ho ha ha!)(tet tot teeth rot!!)(hahahahha!)[rock it][pop it](he he ho ho ha ha!)(cough)(cough)(yippie)(skippy)
I’m from the frozen north...
Where the snow knows my name...
Where the wind blows sideways...
And nothing stays sane...

One tear falls
I HAVE WIZARD STEMS.

[CHOIR]
Tree...
Rot...
Tree

[WHISPER]
...suspicious.

[FINAL BUILD]
ALASKA!

FROZEN!

WIZARD!

STEMS!

TREE!

ROT!

WHAT ARE WE DOING?!!
[AD-LIB]
GOAT NOISE!
[FINAL HOOK]
WIZARD STEMS!
FRAGILE LIKE TREE ROT!

WIZARD STEMS!
GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU GOT!

WIZARD STEMS!
FROZEN BUT THE BLOOD RUNS HOT!

WIZARD STEMS!
WE'RE NEVER GONNA STOP!

ROCK!
RAP!
ALASKA!
BLACK LAB!
TREE ROT!
TWO CABS!
TWO TABS!
ONE SOCK!

NO BRAKES!
BAD IDEAS!

WIZARD!
STEMS!

[SCREAM]
pizza!!!

[PAUSE]

I have absolutely no idea
what just happened.

[BLACK LAB]
WOOF.

[TINY VOICE]
...fair enough.

[FINAL CHORD]

Bluegrass, Hip Hop, Gospel, Chill, Melancholic, Meditative, Scat Singing, Child Vocals, Cowbell, Laid-Back, Erratic