Diamond Hands, Dad Bod

[Intro]
[8-bit cash register blip]
Baby
I’m up bad
Spreadsheet lookin’ sad
“Just a little dip”
Now I’m co-parenting this bag (hey!)

[Verse 1]
Bought the top
In my New Balance
“Trust the charts”
Zero balance
Group chat say
“Bro
Just average in”
Now I babysit
This red orphan

401(k)
Turned to 4.01
Told your mom
“This is how we have fun”
Kids need shoes
I got digital rocks
She’s like “Sell it”
I’m like “HODL the loss” (woah)

[Chorus]
I’m a dad with diamond hands
Gripping that regret like brands
Minivan
Max pain
Still yelling
“This is all part of the game”
Yeah
I’m down bad
Down a lot
But I won’t click sell
I forgot
If we go to zero
I still stand
Middle-aged man with diamond hands (hey!)

[Verse 2]
Therapist say
“How does that make you feel?”
Check my phone
“Bro
This has to be a steal”
Son says “Dad
Can we go to the zoo?”
Told him “If it moons
I might even bring you two”

Watching candles
While I grill in the rain
Flipping burgers
Checking charts
Same pain
PTA talk
I just nod
Zone out
If this wick breaks
We can finally move out (ooh yeah)

[Chorus]
I’m a dad with diamond hands
Gripping that regret like brands
Minivan
Max pain
Still yelling
“This is all part of the game”
Yeah
I’m down bad
Down a lot
But I won’t click sell
I forgot
If we go to zero
I still stand
Middle-aged man with diamond hands

[Bridge]
[Hard glitch cut
Pitched baby cry
Car alarm]
Say it’s a dip
Not a death spiral
Reading one more
“Hopium” Bible
Kids in the back seat
Screaming for snacks
I’m in the front seat
Screaming “Buy back!”

Went from “early”
To “bagholder boomer”
From “we’re so soon”
To “maybe next rumor”
But if I sell now
And it rockets by dawn
I’d rather be broke
Than emotionally wrong (let’s go!)

[Chorus]
I’m a dad with diamond hands
Gripping that regret like brands
Minivan
Max pain
Still yelling
“This is all part of the game”
Yeah
I’m down bad
Down a lot
But I won’t click sell
I forgot
If we go to zero
I still stand
Suburban king with diamond hands