too loud inside

(Verse 1)
I walk around with thunder in my chest
Trying to smile while my mind won’t rest
Every word I say comes out sideways
Like I’m speaking through a storm some days
I rehearse my heart a thousand times
But the truth gets tangled in the wires of my mind
So I laugh it off, say “I’m alright”
While drowning in another sleepless night
(Pre-Chorus)
And I know I’m hard to understand
Even I can’t hold my own hand sometimes
I don’t mean to shake the room apart
I just don’t know how to quiet my heart
(Chorus)
I’m too loud inside
Too heavy some nights
One second I’m fire
Then I’m tears in your light
I try to stay hidden
But you ask what I feel
Then I open the door
And suddenly you leave
So I hold every ache
Till it tears me in two
I swear I’m not trying
To make life hard for you
I’m just fighting a war
No one else can see
And I’m so tired of losing people
When I’m only trying to be me
(Verse 2)
My thoughts move faster than my tongue can turn
So conversations crash and burn
I never find the words I mean
And silence grows where love had been
You see the damage, not the fear
Not the panic underneath my tears
I wish I could explain it right
Why every feeling grows too bright
(Pre-Chorus)
Cause when I finally tell the truth
It sounds sharper than I want it to
And all the things I keep inside
Become a flood I cannot hide
(Chorus)
I’m too loud inside
Too heavy some nights
One second I’m fire
Then I’m tears in your light
I try to stay hidden
But you ask what I feel
Then I open the door
And suddenly you leave
So I hold every ache
Till it tears me in two
I swear I’m not trying
To make life hard for you
I’m just fighting a war
No one else can see
And I’m so tired of losing people
When I’m only trying to be me
(Bridge)
If you could stand inside my head
You’d hear a thousand voices running laps instead
And every one is pulling me apart
While I’m begging to be soft, begging to be calm
I know I can be difficult to hold
But I’m not made of anger, I’m made of overload
And underneath the chaos and the fear
There’s just somebody terrified
You’ll disappear
(Final Chorus)
I’m too loud inside
But I still need love
Even on the days
I’m impossible to touch
I don’t need fixing
I just need some grace
Someone who won’t run
When the sky changes shape
Cause I carry enough
Blaming myself for the pain
I don’t wanna keep hurting
Everyone who stays
I’m trying every day
To become somebody free
But for now I just hope
Someone can survive loving me

Female emotional vulnerable self loathing metal rock angry, Grunge