sad poem

Mental health on the decline.
Really wishing I could rewind

I wish I could be a moving boulder
Unstoppable
But instead I’m just a half deflated balloon.
Just poppable.

Lately I’ve been feeling all alone.
No one to message or talk on the phone.

No one answers the messages or the texts.
My brain goes into overdrive.
We all know what happens next.

It’s almost summer and hot out.
Time to switch where I put the scars
From the ones on my thighs,
To the ones on my heart.

No blade to wrist.
Just blade to thigh.
Gonna wear shorts though,
So I gotta put them high.

If anyone were to ever ask
I’d make the excuse: it’s a cat scratch.

As the blood gushes
My heart rushes.

A sense of relief fills my brain.
I just needed to feel the pain.

I do wish I never had this feeling.,
My other scars are still healing.

“Self harm is bad”, they say.
But it’s the only reason I’m still alive today.

Without my small outlet, I would’ve lost my head.
Without self harm, I would be dead.

Now I’m not saying it’s healthy.
Because it’s definitely not.
But since 15
It’s all that I’ve got.

I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone else.
I would never want someone to harm themselves.

But I understand the reasons.
We’re just trying not to be dead.
You might think we’re troubled,
Maybe messed up in the head.

But something told us this was our only way,
If our friends and family wanted us to stay.

To feel some pain
That we can control
If you’ve never felt the need,
Then you don’t know.

So don’t judge the book
Without opening the cover.
Because sometimes people smile,
As they silently suffer.

Grunge, Hip Hop, Indie Rock, Lo-Fi, Chillout, Aggressive, Dark, Chill, Epic, Tense, Sad, Introspective, Bass, Drums, Laid-Back, Steady